Funniest things found/offered on Craigslist.

I know all of you look through craigslist, and you're bound to find funnythings, like i have, now besides all the peope looking for orgies and people with odd fetishes, heres what i have seen, though i cant find the pictures.
1. Guy was trying to sell his motorcycle, he described it as having light laydown damage... and the pictures he took of it was when it was on its side, he put it on both sides and took pictures.
2. I was offered everything from a tattoo shop for my husqvarna, gun, needles, ink, etc.

 

I once saw a guy trying to sell his used underwear!!

 

Look through the "Best of Craigs List" on the home page for your town. There is some funny stuff there.

 

omg, that is some of the funniest stuff i have ever read. holy cow

 

i almost had tears in my eyes when i read this one:

Motorcycle for sale:


There comes a point in every mans life where he feels the need to pass down some history or perhaps a legacy, this time is now. For the low price of $700 you too may become a bad ass. This motorcycle is not just a way of transportation, it is a way of life. The side of the gas tank says Yamaha which loosely translates to "Kick Ass Stealth Ninja Motorcycle". I stole this motorcycle from Chuck Noris after I gave him a swift roundhouse kick to the face. I also broke off his arm and signed the title with it to my name from him so it is all legit and legally mine to sell now.


Some of the lens covers on the turn signals are broken but if you think that stops me from turning you are sadly mistaken. The first rule I learned in the Mount Tokachi Ninja Training Camp was never tell your enemy what direction you intend to go. I have found this to be a excellent creed or motto to live life by.


I will not admit to how many of the miles have been used for ninja missions however I can tell you that all of the 4693 miles are actual road miles.


There are a few rusted parts on this bike, but that only shows everybody how bad ass you are and that if they were to question you they could be killed instantly. Most of the parts could be replaced with non rusty parts if you wanted to blend in to the common mortal and practice stealth skills by hiding in plain sight.


This motorcycle has 4 speeds in the transmission and all of them are completely capable of causing instant death. I have known the common man to reach speeds of 70 mph I will not comment on the top speed that a skilled ninja rider may accomplish, this you shall find on your own.


The gas cap on this motorcycle is locked by key, that tells possible gas thief's to screw off unless they are prepared to deal with a ninja ass kicking right to the face. If you are still uncertain of how bad ass this actually is you wont need to look further than the front fender complete with scull and cross bones, the graphics tell sissy gutless men to take off or be prepared for punches of lightning to pour down upon them.


If you email me asking about being "firm" on the price I will tell you right now that I am NOT. $700 is only my starting price, you may want to pay me more after you would see it in person. If you think you can email me and ask me to sell if for less you could just as well save me the effort and punch yourself in the balls because that is what I might do and you are most likely a sissy and not worthy of this motorcycle. If you are from Africa and try to scam me do not waste my time because I will swim across the ocean and find you in your dirty hut and judo chop your face with an ultimate punch right to the face.


I may email you more pictures if you need to see more. Ninja fighting weapons are not included.

 

Very exciting gravel giveaway - about 1/2 yard

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Date: 2008-08-26, 9:02AM CDT



Well its about to happen again...it's going to snow and it will cover the gravel pile in my driveway. I will then be fooled into thinking that I or my wife was too lazy to totally push the snow out of the driveway and cleverly left piled it kind of out of the way.

Not this year! No stinking way! For I am taking action and going the distance! I am saying to the whole world via this posting on craigslist that the pile of gravel is up for grabs! Hey, are you the right person for free gravel?

Things to consider:

-Moving gravel is a great work-out. I'm big and strong today thanks to my gravel moving routine.

-Kids love gravel. I am constantly telling all sorts of kids to get away from my gravel/snow pile. SHOO!

-Go Green. Go gravel.

-Women love gravel. I often look out the window to see my wife looking over the gravel pile and shaking her head in amazement.

-Gravel has staying power. Its has stayed in my drive way for two years!

-Food and drink taste better after moving gravel.

There are more considerations, obviously. But you also need to know that the gravel that will allow to finally finish that project and one-up your neighbors before fall comes is located at:

[ ADDRESS DELETED]

Bring a shovel, your vehicle and all the excitemt you can muster! It's gravel!

Thank you.

 

Manly Bike for Sale

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Date: 2008-07-22, 10:18AM PDT



Bike for sale


What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick ass spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you're way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying "f*** YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME".



The bike says Giant on the side because it's referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy shit so I said no way.



The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that's bad ass in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you're going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you're probably a dickless lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating.



The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some shit and not shaped like a dildo. If you like flat seated bikes you're going to love this thing because it doesn't try to penetrate your ass or anything.



I've topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you're just a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:


Gear 1 - Sissy Gear
Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 - Boy Gear
Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 - Manly Gear
Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear

I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.


Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull's testicles and tells people you don't f*** around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves "Hey asshole, touch this bike and I'll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four".


Bike is for 150 OBO (and don't give me no panzy prices)

 

Ferocious Attack Kitten

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Date: 2008-06-02, 7:10PM CDT



Ferocious attack kitten is available for adoption to any home willing to accept him.

This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you. Well-trained since 10-weeks of age to attack anything in his presence, he will protect your family from evil things, including the following:

* insects

* other trained attack kittens

* babies

* toilet paper

* anything under a blanket

* unwanted house guests
* paper bags

* floor rugs

* Chuck Norris

* Feet.

Great with children (assuming you don’t like the children). Probably best used for professional catfighting. He is housebroken, but only because he wants to be. This attack cat has trained himself to seek out his food anywhere you hide it and rip the bag open to feed himself, great for those who travel extensively. Also trained to drink water out of toilet bowls and dishwater from items in the sink. Knows how to open some doors. He will find you wherever you hide.

Neutered (trust me, you wont want to him to procreate). Has not been declawed, but you'll figure that out really fast.

Understands and responds to a variety of vulgar and profane verbal commands. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear - however he will bite your face if you try to touch it.

Willing to accept trades. Potential adopters must have experience with trained attack-kittens... please be prepared to show scars.

For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house.

 

oh my g*d that is the funniest thing i've heard in ages, it's like a description of my cat! thanks schooter i was due for a good laugh!

 

lol, i cried reading all these silly things, there were some good pictures of the attack kitty, where he was devowering a toilet paper roll and playing with things on the floor

 

There are lots of fake ads/ phishing scams here. I answered one for a free 26' motorhome. I drove it home a few days later, Try the women looking for men for a good laugh.

 

FOUND - Briefcase w/ Odd Items
Date: 2008-11-27, 9:31AM PST


Large silver briefcase (metal). No locks. Odd items inside include a 14 inch length of plastic tube about one and a half inches in diameter, a solid rod of plastic about 20 inches long and a little under one and a half inches in diameter. Several tubes of KY jelly (don't ask me, I just found it). Here's the really odd thing: there were five Gerbils in a plastic container with breather holes in it. I put them in a mouse cage with some shredded wood chips, water, and food. Respond to this add so I can return your stuff. If no respone in a week, I'll give the Gerbils to the animal shelter and turn the rest of the stuff over to the Sheriff Dept. Thanks.