Written by a guy named Greg-Satan Invented the Two Stroke!

Although I'd like to have written this, I did not but since I enjoyed reading it, I thought that others might too...so enjoy...(I apologize for the foul language but I didn't want to censor his work)




Satan Invented the Two Stroke!

I got the Kawasaki 750 three cylinder motorcycle going today. I bought it 2 weeks ago and it had been sitting for 3 years before that so I suspected that the fuel was shit but being ever the optimist I tried to start it anyway. I used ether to "encourage" combustion in the old gas and though I got a couple of nasty pops and one harleyesque backfire it was obvious that nothing was going to happen until homage had been paid to the "venturi gods". Off come the carbs. A little complex as the "injecto-crude" oiling system has pipes going every which way and hooked to all 3 carbs plus main bearings and some secret passages that may lead all the way back to Saudi Arabia for all I know. It took a couple of hours and just as I was bolting the last one in place my friend, Jack came by.
If I'm the Old Squid then Jack is the Giant Squid. "You're just in time" I said. "That sounds ominous" he said."

We wheeled the bike out and I kicked it about 3 times and it locked up
solid. I was ready to kick harder under the "stupidity got me in to this mess so brute force should get me out" mode of male behavior when Jack yells "WAIT!" "You have a hydraulic lock"! Turns out that this can happen on a 2 stroke when water, gas, or, in this case, oil fill the crankcase and then is forced into the combustion chamber. The piston goes partway up and then the incompressibility of the fluid stops all movement. Out come the sparkplugs and yes, the left hand one is full of oil. I kicked her thru a few times and puked a few cc's of oil out. I decided to hurry the process by putting the two non-oiled sparkplugs in and seeing if it would run as a 2 cylinder with the left plug missing.
Remember the line in the ballad of the Beverly Hillbillies where Jebs "shootin at some food and up from the ground comes a bubbelin crude"?

Well, think gusher!!! I had sprayed ether into the 2 good cylinders, gave the kick starter a mighty whack and "BANG" gitty bang bang! It started running and there was oil _everywhere_! I'm lookin down at the empty sparkplug hole so I get a face full. The rest is all over the left side of the bike. Now I know where the tank full of injection oil disappeared too. The check valve must have stuck and it drained into the downhill side of the crankcase. I shut it off and suggest to Jack that he could hold a cloth over the hole while we try it again. He allowed as to how it would be a better idea if he stood on the right side and started it while I held the cloth. Well, this worked and after 1/2 a minute I figured we'd shut it off, put the plug in, and go for it.
The bike started and gave a sterling demonstration of why the EPA hates 2 stroke engines. It laid a thick white smoke screen that you could of
hidden the Bismarck in. Jack has some old DDT in a can in his garage and he suggested we add it to the oil, fog the roads for mosquitoes, and send the bill to the County. I took off down the road and after a couple of miles it did clean out and I have to say that it doesn't smoke at all under most loads now.
Riding the bike is trip down bad memory lane. The engine has no power below 4000rpm and only a little more up to 6000. From there to the 7500 rpm redline there is too much power. A truly evil setup! Almost uncontrollable as you slip back on the flat seat till all your weight is over the rear axle which quickly wants to become the "lower" axle as the front starts to hoist. The front wants to shake, the frame wants to twist and flex! This is not a bike to inspire confidence in anyone. A disposable superbike. Vibration is Richter 9 and I can tell that this wouldn't be fun for a long trip though in 6th it does have a sweet spot right at 70mph so it can be ridden gently and enjoyed within this narrow range. I also know that balancing the carbs would do wonders for some of the vibration too.
Cornering wasn't as bad as I'd been led to believe. The bike is light and neutral and with the steering dampener set to a middle click it corners fine. This wasn't pushing it hard though so I don't know how it would handle bent way over or under power. For just putt putting around on this could be fun except for just one little problem...
This puppies got full race expansion chambers and do they ever sing a song of raw, harsh speed. Sure I can go faster on my Honda Blackbird, but it doesn't feel like it till I'm going 140. This Kawasaki feels fast at 70 and like a volcano rumbling... hmmm, good name for this bike: St. Helens. It shakes, it smokes and it spews hot stuff out of the top. Crack it towards the 100 mph mark and you envision washing machines full of tumbling grenades. Loaded gravel trucks dropping off high cliffs! St. Helens has all the mechanical finesse of a rock crusher. As you approach the redline, the pipes shriek and snarl. This thing is an animal!
The longer I rode it, the more I appreciated the rawness of it. Satan invented the 2 stroke motor but like a lot of his inventions (unprotected sex-n-drugs-rock-n-roll to mention a few) it speaks to my evil self. As I whacked it on, I kept hearing that little demon on my left shoulder yelling "go for it! twist this f***ers tail!" My guardian angel said "I¹m outa here!" and got off and walked home! Well, it is a hoot but I gotta sell it. I'm keeping the 500 triple I bought with St. Helens and intend to do a full restoration on it next winter. I need the money so St. Helens is for sale to any speed crazed antiquarians out there. $2500 and she's got new tires, battery, plugs, rebuilt master cylinder, rebuilt wheel cylinder and air cleaners. She comes with the race exhaust and a perfect set of stock pipes and headers. The good and the bad. Here’s your chance to ride with the Devil.

The Old Squid
Greg's home page
http://www.rockisland.com/~gregh/index.html

 

Brilliant gotta love 2strokes, think every one does deep down even people who have never ridden them!
Al

 

Awesome article, miss my 2 strokes...

 

Re: Written by a guy named Greg-Satan Invented the Two Strok

The sound, the smell, the torque when you hit the power band!

Whoever invented smokeless 2 cycle oil should be shot. If it aint smokin' it aint fun!

 

good read, cant wait to get my little 350 back on the road

 

All that stuff i am going thru except the hydraulic lock . just about completely pulled mine down getting the 38 years of crud cleaned off it. Just got my new tires compounded and waxed the frame. Also polishing all the aluminum and putting all the performance parts on it i have gathered up. Its a fun project. 2 strokes are a blast for sure

 

After a season of sled racing i've really come to appreciate the simplistic power of the two stroke, sure pipe building and tuning your ports to a pipe or vice versa can be a hair pulling experience, but so far i've managed to squeeze 47 hp out of a 17-19 hp 292cc snowmobile motor

 

Yup, there is just something about a 2 stroke coming on the pipe (hitting the powerband to you 4 stroke guys) that is still an amazing rush for me. I think that's one of the reasons I like my turbo so much....kind of acts the same way.

glad you guys enjoyed it and hope it gets some folks enthused about finishing their project.


jeff