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possibly the best craigslist ad for an xj ever!

Discussion in 'Hangout Lounge' started by FtUp, Jan 2, 2014.

  1. FtUp

    FtUp Well-Known Member

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    Real bike for sale. Vibrates like a real bike should. Not for women or nancy boys. 30 years old, and wears its scars and fades proudly. Are you man enough? Cause it ain't for sissies and grand prix racer wannabes trying to impress the other little boys. The real bike goes about her business with style and class. Stir her innards with a manly prod of the starter button and she will burble to life, purring contently. But don't rush her, she ain't no fuel-injected pretty face, she has carbs, as real bikes do, and if you don't warm her up before slapping it in gear, she'll buck and kick, and you'll be stuck eatin chips on the sofa instead of ridin hard. As she enters her third decade, she knows what she want's, and if you neglect her needs, she might throw you a curveball or two, nothing serious mind, but she needs to know you're paying attention. So if you're the type of boy whose face drains and heart palpitates when you push the start button and nothing happens, put your testicles back in your purse, open a Gawker account and practice your irony, cause the real bike ain't for you. She ain't no featherweight plastic fantastic UFO. The real men who designed her didn't have some Peter Pan Titanium-Borax-Carbon-Carbon-Carbon shite to work with. She's made from steel and aluminum and copper and chrome, the stuff that won the war. Her older sisters came to life in 1969, and they were conceived even earlier than that. They were hacked out of solid metal by master swordsmiths, some bloody great roller bearings were chucked in the general direction of the crank and camshafts, and a legend was born. They were then sold by the boatload for about 15 years before real bikes became a thing of the past. She was designed by men who oiled their own slide rules and spent their evenings puking up Sake on the bullet trains on their way home, not poncing about rendering 3D cad designs and writing endless ECU code. The upshot of all this is, the real bike can be fixed with a screwdriver, a hammer, and two cans of WD40. If you are man enough of course. If your idea of a tool box is a credit card, go ahead and mince about on that shiny V-Star 650 or your CBZQLPDRRRRRRRRR600RRRRRR in your new Zox full-face, go buy some KY and take the reaming the dealer has in store, the real bike ain't for you. But if you fancy something different, and owning a bike is part riding, part wrenching and part learning, if heaven on earth is a slow cruise in the countryside, the real bike is waiting for you. Be a real man, and buy this bike before some perennially aggrieved metrosexual flags this ad as inappropriate.


    Work done to it....
    Softened suspension
    About 99.9% tread on the tires (you can still see the green factory line)
    Rebuilt front forks
    New mirrors and grips
    Fully rebuilt carbs
    Fully rebuilt top end of the engine
    Front brake pads AND rear brake shoes
    Starter motor AND solenoid
    New oil and filter
    New fuel filter
    New air filter
    New stainless steel brake lines
    New battery
    New and oiled chain
    New Brake light
    New Turn signals
    Carb Intake boots
    New master cylinder
    New brake caliper
    New Sylvania Silverstar ST headlight


    Clean title
    Tags are good until September of 2014

    Gas tank isn't aesthetically pleasing but a quick coat of the included plasti-dip will do the trick (I'm working on this right now)
    Headlight is out, needs new bulb


    Some assorted things that come with it:
    Two aluminum loading ramps (functional for an ATV, Streetbike, Dirtbike, Moped, you name it)
    1.5 amp battery maintainer


    $1900 OBO or 2050 with an Skorpion EXO streetbike helmet.
    Please TEXT (redacted) anytime or shoot me an email.

    Can deliver if you don't have your endorsement yet!

    http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/mcy/4268028690.html


    CN
     
  2. lacucaracha

    lacucaracha Member

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    Ha ha ha, that's pretty great. Doesn't look too bad, either. After a good going through it would probably be a nice scoot (worried about the leaking onto the alternator cover). That guy knows what it means to wrench on these things...It makes you 100% man.

    ...Or it pisses off your girlfriend who thinks you spend too much time on it...
     
  3. k-moe

    k-moe Pie, Bacon, Bourbon. Moderator Premium Member

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    Lists a "real man's" bike.

    First thing on the list of work done: softened the suspension
    [​IMG]
     
  4. JPaganel

    JPaganel Well-Known Member

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    IIRC, this was for an XS650. Can't be an XJ, XJ do not have kickstarters.
     
  5. FtUp

    FtUp Well-Known Member

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    nope, xj550 seca

    CN
     
  6. JPaganel

    JPaganel Well-Known Member

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    I see the kickstart part was edited out. However, I've seen this a year ago for an XS 650. Which makes more sense in general, anyway.
     
  7. 750E-II_29Rbloke

    750E-II_29Rbloke Active Member

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    I'd say that was originally written by a Honda CB fan "Her older sisters came to life in 1969" "bloody great roller bearings" etc (and at what point is a sorted XJ550 vibey?)

    Personally, I think it'd be funnier if it didn't refer to prodding the starter button. Surely Real Bike should be kicked over because the battery isn't man enough to fulfil it's obligations when the weather is below 25*c? (Says me, current head count of kickstart levers, zero) :D
     
  8. bigfitz52

    bigfitz52 Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    Hmmm. Lets see:

    "Fully rebuilt top end of motor" when, BEFORE he sprayed the whole thing rattle-can black? Because it certainly hasn't been apart since the paint job. I suspect that entire story is BS; it probably isn't running on all 4 (a properly tuned 550 shouldn't vibrate.) Probably never got a valve adjustment either (he would have listed it.)

    The ignition cover has been replaced (again, before the rattle can job.)

    His "freshly rebuilt" carbs are leaking.

    Bike has 27K on it and he only replaced the chain, no mention of sprockets.

    It's worth MAYBE $700 ~ $800; less even depending on how much of his BS turns out to be just that. If it passes a compression test.

    And yeah; he lifted most of the text of the ad from somebody else.
     
  9. FtUp

    FtUp Well-Known Member

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    ahh, plagiarism, the most sincere for of flattery...

    CN
     
  10. cutlass79500

    cutlass79500 Well-Known Member

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    yuk what has he been smokin i have seen really nice ones for a grand or so. A real mans paint job cover up all the different colors of fugly that it probably was before paint. Have to love the custom painted emblems. Just looking at the paint job tells me he had no pride in the bike. When you have no pride can only imagine how the work was thrown together. If those are rebuild carbs leaking i don't think i would trust him to change a light bulb
     
  11. mtnbikecrazy55

    mtnbikecrazy55 Active Member

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    "New Sylvania Silverstar ST headlight

    ---

    ---

    Headlight is out, needs new bulb"

    Lol.
     
  12. RickCoMatic

    RickCoMatic Well-Known Member

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    Oh, brother.
    cutlass79500 hit the bullseye.

    Rust and rash concealing FLAT BLACK.
    What a disgrace. I guess he was too cheap to buy another rattle-can and touch-up the streaks from the leaking gas-cap.
    My eyes ain't so good anymore, ... but it looks like there's over 50-grand on-the-clock.
    This old man would say: "Most of its fun is used-up!"
     
  13. MarkV

    MarkV Member

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    have to admit, he can get a job for writing for , Sex in The City. LMFAO.
     

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