death of a friend

A friend of mine got killed on his sportster the other day. I was told he was sitting at a stop sign and a car plowed into him. My wife is totally freaked out and I'm kinda freaked out. She wants me to get rid of the bike. I'm thinking about it. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. I really don't want stop riding but this hit pretty close to home. Thanks becareful and be safe.

 

Sorry to hear of your loss.

Motorcycles are dangerous by design, a car hits you and you will come off worse.

If someone is sitting in their car at a stop sign and a 18 wheeler plows into them, would you stop driving?

Really it is up to you if you continue to ride, but remember life is full of risk that is what makes living worth living.

 

Kiwi pretty much said it all and my condolences also for the loss of your friend. It's times like these that remind us all how fragile life is and how our time can be cut short unexpectedly in many ways. I am not a thrill seeker but my whole life has been filled with danger. Developing self control and proper management of my surroundings has served me well to stay alive and to build my confidence for safe expedition. One example is that I work in a very dangerous field of commercial construction and have been involved with building anything from high rise buildings to flyover bridges. I am always cautious with everything I do and if I feel like the situation is out of my control then I back off and think of another plan to save my skin. There is always risk but proper grooming and a detailed safety plan will serve you well to accomplish your ventures and to see another day when it's all said and done. People who have and are serving in the military along with other hazardous work related fields know exactly what I'm trying to say. We all have had our days when we have been on the edge by choice or circumstance. Our abilities have allowed us to win over the odds when death was near and credit is always due to a sharp mind and confidence in ourselves. I don't feel any different about riding a bike but being aware of ones surroundings and not exceeding ones personal abilities prematurely will lend it to be a safe and enjoyable past time. If you feel at anytime that you are taking undo risk and it is beyond your control and comfort zone then I would say that you should get out of it. It's not necessary that I ride but I need fulfillment in my life and that is what keeps me happy and wanting to continue living in this world.

 

Condolences for the tragic loss of your friend.

Events like what you have described can shake a persons thoughts and foundations to the core. My words of wisdom, if you could call them that, is that if you've experienced a loss of confidence and will only be thinking about what could happen instead of what is happening, then perhaps a break from riding would do you well. There is no shame in also giving the wife some peace of mind. I'm sure whatever you decide, it will be right for you as well as your family.

 

Robby, 1st I am sorry for your loss and the hurt it causes you, your family and friends.

I would also point out that people pass away every day, some suffer with disease for months and years. The heartache and suffering is a great tragity to familys and loved ones just like a sudden death.
At least your friend didn't have to endure the gross suffering.

I also work in high risk fields (as was mentioned by Scrape) and have found that the factor that stands between life and death in many cases is Safety Precautons and awareness.
There is a risk in riding a motorcycle because the "other guy" doesn't necessarily consider safety and they definatly aren't aware of us....... we have to pick up the slack to ensure our own safety.
Unfortunatly, we cant always guaranty our own safety in life.

But then that's how it is in life.

Who knows, a person could die just walking across the street. That wont keep people from walikg across the street, but we will be more careful when we are made more aware by a loss like this.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss, and hurt.

 

Sorry about your friend.

Stuff like that is why I always wear a helmet, never pull all the way up to the left at an intersection, and drive as if I am invisible.

A motorcycle may have the same rights as a car, but never the same odds.

 

Robby, I too am sorry for your loss.

Take some time off, give yourself some time to reflect. Don't make any decisions right now. You'll figure out what's best for you in due time.

Tony

 

I just want to thank everone that replied. I'm still torn on what to do. Maybe I'll park the bike till next riding season. thanks again.

 

This is a sad thing! my condolences go out to you and yours...

He was doing what he enjoyed doing in life....


("Noodlez")

"Those who risk nothing, risk not living@ all"




Chopper cross roads.com.


Ridz

 

Robby; sorry for your loss.
The guys put it so well I don't feel there's much I could add to it.
Just remember.....not riding may lower your risk some, but it won't eliminate it. Just think of the poor folks who rolled out of bed on 9/11/01 just to go to work that morning. Perhaps there were one or two persons in the Twin Towers that day who gave up riding because they felt it was too dangerous.
However, you have to live with your wife, and you need to give her opinion some value. Think it over, discuss it. And if you decide to stay with it, do everything in your power to stack the odds in your favor.

 

How very sad to hear Robby. My prayers and condolences to you and your friend's family. Live life, to walk in fear is not living. Approach every day with the understanding it might be your last and you had best make the most of it. Love unconditionally, drink in the joy of your family and friends. They truly are all you have in this life. Cherish those around you, most of them couldn't imagine life without you either (this is the measure of what impact you make on this earth).
Peaceful journeys.

 

Please accept my condolences for the very sudden and tragic death of your very close friend. There's little we can say or do to lessen the impact this tragedy will have upon you for a long, long time ... if not forever.

Now, you are the one whose direction in life has suddenly detoured from the once happy and carefree soul who embraced motorcycling as a hobby and adventure; to now fully understand how this wonderful world on two wheels is as dangerous as it is a truly great time.

Don't park your bike.
You have a new mission, now, as you ride again.

To the places where those who are impressionable will hear you, loud and clear, that being "A Biker" is real great fun; until something happens you never even want to think about.

I cannot imagine anyone, who lives our life, to want another to give it all up, because someone else took that all away from them in this kind of tragedy.

I can imagine how very, very proud of you they would be if they knew you carried-on as a Crusader for safety, awareness and responsibility.
Please accept my heartfelt sympathy for loss of your close friend.
Keep all the great moments you've shared in a special part of your heart.
I'm confident he'd want you to keep the keys to your bike in your pocket.

Very sincerely,

Richard E. Massey

 

Wow, I, too, am sorry for the loss of your friend. As others have said in their own ways, I lost a friend a few years ago to a hit and run accident on a snowy night. I didn't stop driving in the snow because of it. I may have been a little more nervous about it and I know my wife sure was, but we press on. I think if you want to take a break from the bike, that's understandable, but I bet one day you'll get back on and realize that continuing to ride is a positive way to remember your friend.

Peace to you and yours.

 

All I know is that I don't care what my wife thinks about my riding a bike. I do it because I love it and that's the end to thinking about it anymore. I had an accident years back but got back on the horse and never looked back. I knew it was dangerous before I started and know the same as I ride today. Celebrate life while you have it and remember the people that you care about so their memory lives on in a good light.

 

just an up date. wife still cries at the mention of motorcycles (or the friend that got killed). took the bike of the road and mothballed it. not selling yet. i'll see what happens next spring.

 

Riding is a way of life, it is a choice! So It will always be there when your ready to go back...We all are living on borrowed time I for one still ride. This is after my other half is laid up from a car running her over. Shell never ride again or work..

Her mom always nags @ me "havent you learned anything from my daughters accident"
My reply to her yes "to be careful and dont quit living" noT even for a second..

Ill ride untill I die or my ears dont wake up..Wich ever comes first..

Good luck in your endeavours...qoute: Id rather die on my feet Than live life on my knees>.....~Ridz~

 

Take your time, we'll be here.

 

I think your decision to park the bike for now is a good one. I have been run over twice on my bike. I had my first one 3 days and was run over by a drunk driver. Hit and run. My 82 Seca was taken out the week before my wedding. Again by a drunk driver. This one didn't get away. He spent at least one night in jail. My back and left shoulder still hurt from the accidents. I'll never be rid of that pain. I never rode that Seca again either.
So why do I still ride? I have asked myself that on occasion, and have no real answer other than I just love it and want to. I don't want these bad eggs to take a part of my life from me. My wife has no qualms over my riding so I don't have to fight that battle which usually involves guilt over selfishness. A friend of mine who was also a coworker was killed on his bike while repairing it to sell it. Just rode around the parking lot without his helmet and dropped it when a kid on a tricycle got in the way. That one hurt. He worked right beside me and we were the metal department for that laboratory. So sad to lose him and it hit his daughter so hard. She really came apart. So I made sure I didn't ride to the funeral and cause any further hurt for her. There are others that have to be considered and parking your bike is very considerate of them.
But the truth be told, no one gets out of life alive. I want to live while I live, while living as long as I can. Sort of a conundrum. So it all comes down to what do you want to do that helps you feel like you are experiencing life while minimizing risk?
People were killed on 9/11 for just going to work and sitting at a desk. Some are killed on the ride home in their cages and others leave us sooner than we thought possible from illness. So if life can be so fleeting I always keep in mind that I have to live while doing so in a way that doesn't hurt my loved ones. Riding is not that important and neither is flying. I gave up flying due to expense. Traded it for a house for my family which was better for them, but not for me. It was a life long dream and I miss it to this day. The bike is what I always seem to be able to have. Costs less, doesn't iritate the inlaws, didn't have to sign a waiver on it for my life insurance policy and I have always loved riding and wrenching and all the guys and gals that come with it.
Last and most important for me is that I believe there is a God and he will take me out when he wants and there's nothing I can do to stop, rush or delay it. I trust him to help take care of my family once I am gone. I don't bang bibles over other peoples heads and don't want to do it to you guys. It is just a fact of life for me and that comes from objective study and introspection. So what ever decision brings peace to you and yours is a decision I support you on and is usually the best decision.

 

Sorry to hear about your loss.

When I was about 10 I almost lost my Dad to a Motorcycle accident. He was T-boned at an intersection where a lady didn't see him following another car. I am now 24 and love to ride. I remember how hard the accident hit my Mom emotionally and know that it still bothers her every time I get on my bike but do it because its what I love. I know I hung up the keys on my dirt bikes for at least a year, but at least I know from personal experience how dangerous a motorcycle can be and how dangerous other vehicles on the road can be. The only person I can trust when riding is myself.

If you need to hang up the keys for a while like you said you have I would. I would not however sell the bike. Wait for things to settle a little bit and look at it with a clear head. I know people that have been riding for 45-50 years and have never been in an accident and I know people that have been in multiple accidents and are still riding. As people have already said its a matter of what you think you can handle. If you ride and you aren't able to concentrate on the ride but your mind is on your friend it wouldn't be safe.

Again sorry to hear about your loss. Let time do its job and hopefully when you are ready the enjoyment of the ride will call you again.

 

Very sorry to hear about your friend.

 

Robby, please accept my condolences for the loss of your friend.

Last year I was diagnosed with cancer and while my life was considered good - wife, son, happy family, good career - it looked like I was going to miss out on my dream of owning a motorcycle. Through the years that small but important dream was set aside for all the other things that come with being a good responsible parent.

So, after having come through surgery and a year of being cancer free, I knew the time had come to live my dream, regardless of the consequences, simply because no one knew how much time I had left. Cancer can come back at any time and each battle gets longer and harder.

My wife despises the bike's potential for harm while still admiring its design yet she appreciates its style, so she understands at least part of it - she just hates that potential hanging over my head whenever I go out, like a cop's wife would feel. But I love the bike and the freedom I feel on it. I am fifty and feel 19 again, even while riding as if no one can see me. The difference is that at 19, I would not have made it to 50 if I had a bike back then. Now with good judgement and a true appreciation for life, there is a good chance it will be long and happy, living the dream.

I sincerely hope you find your dream, whatever it is and wherever it leads you.

 

Robby,
My best friend was killed on his road king on his way back from the rolling thunder rally on memorial day. It really freaked me out. He had wanted me to get a bike so we could go for some rides. He was like a brother to me. Everyone was so surprised when I came home a few weeks ago with a 550 maxim. Your friend would still want you to ride. When your number is up...it's up...where you are at or what you are doing is of no consequence. Ride to live,live to ride, and try your best to live to ride another day.

 

Robby, thanks for the update.
Sorry to hear your wife is still taking it so hard, but these things are not easy to overcome and there is no time limit on grief. You get over it when you do. If ever.
All things considered, you are probably better off hanging up the keys for year, if not for family peace, for emotional healing on your own part. I suspect you have a lot of unspoken emotion to deal with yourself.
Remember this; the motorcycle did not take your friend from you. Another driver did. One of the best pieces of information I ever received came from David Hough in his book "More Proficient Motorcycling" where he tells us to treat every ride as a combat mission. Believe it. By this, he means wear the gear, psych yourself up for the ride, be on high alert the whole time. I would highly recommend both you and your wife take the Motorcycle Safety Foundation Basic Rider Course, even if you've already taken it, as a sort of therapy. It might help to put things in perspective, especially for your wife. Good luck & keep us posted.

 

Robby
The the friends I've lost through the years are with me every time I ride.
I can never let them go.
James, Glen, Brad.....They have all cruised into the sunset.
Remember your friend and ride for him.