cheating with the xj

my girfriend acts like i am cheating on her when i want to ride my XJ, she freaks out whenever i do, i have been trying to all the nice things i can, and then go ride, that is when she accusses me of only doing the nice things to be able to go ride. and just when i think it migt be ok, or evenwhenshe says i can go, she comes up with something for us to do. I wish she would share the bike but she wont ride, she wants nothing to do with motorcycles at all. it is starting to piss me off

 

"My girlfriend told me it was either her or the bike.

I'm going to miss her..."

 

mine has not come to that but im not giving up the ride

 

That really doesn't make sense to me. Is the bike really what she doesn't like or is something else the underlying issue?

IMO If shes got a problem with what you like to do, then tough. Motorcycles are a great hobby to have and if she doesn't like it, then she doesn't have to have anything to do with them.

Doesn't SHE have a hobby? One thing thats pretty much a requirement for me if I'm dating someone is the fact that they have a life outside of hanging out with me. I must have my ME time, she should have hers too.

 

she has a couple of hobbies and i let her do them as much as she wants and dont give her hell about it.

 

Both of my ex-wives told me to give up bikes-and I don't miss either of the b*tches.
Motorbikes and freedom go together. Women and freedom do not.

 

My bike is my only vehicle so she has no say in the matter

 

Thats a bummer man! I had bikes and the same woman 20 years ago and
she loved them.....now that I got back into the scene she wants to get a bike now....well not a real bike she wants one of those new 250 cc scooter thingys.. all in all I can't complain :wink:

 

LOL - I explained it quite clearly... I had the bike first, and I'll have the bike last... Never been an issue.

If she needs more attention solve that problem, or move on. It's not the bike's fault (unless you brought it with money set aside for rings/weddings/kids/home improvement/travel)

 

For 16 years my wife said no way to getting a bike. I waited! Last year I made a deal with her and got my 81 xj650. I have not been able to ride alone since! She is going to learn to ride this summer and I will be getting her and my son their own bikes.

If she is worth it you can work it out

 

GET RID OF HER! and go buy another bike. they dont get jealous of each other.

 

I'll put it this way... women are insecure creatures! THEY ALL need their time and if they see that their's ANYTHING or ANYONE who is taking away from that, they become jealous! I'm 27, been married for four of those years and I've been riding for 1. (She thinks I'm going through my mid life crisis) But for the most part she understands that I'm a man, and a man is pretty much going to do what he wants to do! (Especially if he's taken care of what it is that he's suppose to do.)

 

haha.

I get made fun of cause "I have time to go riding around on a bike"..

she hasn't started resenting me for it, but usually i go ride when she's at work and the little kid's at grandma's..

If she was home, I have to be home

 

my gf of 2 years tried that with me. i simply told her "look, i've wanted a bike longer than i've known you." i slept on the couch for a week. but who has a bike now? and who still has the same girlfriend? Point is: if she really cares about you and your wants, she will get over it. if not, can her ass and go out with one of the chicks your yamaha will help you score.

 

gf not a wife I don't see kids involved, think wisely grasshopper the choice is yours.

 

HMMM. Bikes aside, she sounds kind of manipulative and insecure. Are you sure you're on the right path?

 

"Sha-nah nah-nah, sha-nah nah-nah ... hey-hey yea ... good-bye"

 

All I can say is that might be a sign of a much bigger problem. Its something as petty as a bike now ( I mean petty form a female POV before everyone throws me out of here), but what will it be next??

 

Big Ross tells it like it is!

 

Question for you...

Is her jealousy based on her own insecurities? and if so... What did she do to become so insecure?

Talk to her... It's the only way through this

 

you can get on a bike whenever YOU feel like it.

Can you say the same thing about the girlfriend?



sorry... someone had to.
:mrgreen:

 

oF COURSE, ALWAYS!

She won't know, they never do, except that it's someone else's fault....

Good God you Kiwi's are an optimistic lot!

Or you have different types of women down there.

If you've never seen it, watch the Jack Nicholson movie "As Good As It Gets" and listen for the line when he describes to the secretary how he is able, as a man, to "write about women characters so well".....

It's one of those rare moments of truth and reality in cinema!

 

The way I see it is that if you can't talk through it you need to walk away.

That or put up and shut up

 

20 years with an insecure wife , then a divorce. Short version - new life, new wife, new bike!
Happier than ever and Thank God this one is SECURE. There is not a living Hell like having one that is insecure!
Try to talk it out, but -I learned my happiness is important too! Case closed.
Gary

 

I'd wanted a bike since I was a kid (now 42). Just over 7years ago I got my XJ650. I got if from a friend of mine, he just decided one day to stop riding, and gave it to me if I would ride it. SO.......I took it home. Then, since there was no way my wife would approve, I had to hide it in my shop. Much later, she stumbled onto it and FREAKED out. So couldn't ride.......yet. I just waited. TWO years later, she simply said one day, "if you're ever gonna ride that mtorcycle, get a pair of those leather chaps.....they look pretty cool". The next day I got it registered, insured, and got my permit. Now, she has her own leather gear and rides with me. Since then, now she just gives dirty looks and sounds annoyed for a minute when I come home with other bikes and snowmobiles in various conditions. Just wait 'em out..........they'll give in or give up.

 

Hog... Sounds like she was more interested in the leather than the bike :lol:

 

Dammit Ross, that's just about the best quote for a signature I can think of. :lol:

 

Well... quite the pickle!
As a rider of 20+ years and marriage #2, I have had both accepting spouces and gf. I do understand the gf a bit. You should ask her what it is that causes her insecurity when riding comes up in your lives (best asked at a quiet time not while trying to wash the bike). Do this in a sincere and low keyed manner and impart that you want to make peace with her. This is provided you care to keep your relationship. If not, simply keep on doing what you are doing, she'll get the hint soon enough.
Ultimately, you have to live with yourself. Is she worth the effort? If so, get to asking the questions to better understand her position. Offer the compromise of every other day. My wives both have seen a marked difference if I was unable to go riding that day. Suffice it to say, they insist(ed) that I get out and get some saddle time. Gotta keep your priorities in focus.

 

Go ride the motorcycle. First of all you arent married to her and its not like youre out doing something bad. Enjoy life!!! If it makes you happy then do it. Life is to short to not do what you want only because someone else doesnt want you to, without good reason.

 

A very interesting post. I especially like that seca raised the topic and then disappeared very shortly after :!:

I think she may have become jealous of the PC as well...

My wife and I never really discussed getting a bike, I rang her one night and told her I'd won the XJ on ebay, her response.... "get me one too". Just lucky I guess.

In my opinion, it's hard to replace a 25 year old, sexy, beautiful creature, girlfriends on the other hand....

 

Oh, now THAT'S poetic....

 

Interestng post indeed... I like it when guys give advice on relationships. . Usally pretty blunt and to the point...

I must say it is definately interesting to hear from you guys who have had failed marages. I really appreciate the POV.

I happen to be dating a VERY insecure (and for what reason?? who knows) and VERY attractive girl... And as such put up with a lot of crap... But I do draw the line at riding. She just wants to be on the back most of the time... So I'm pushing for her to get her own.

Get her a vespa.. Safe, no clutch, and will easily give her the riding bug!

 

Those two elements normally go together. Take a peek from her point of view and experience: an attractive girl gets every maggot in the world chasing her, promising her things, telling her lies, etc. all in an effort to take advantage of her "ride", with the normal consequence of hurting her once they're done with her. Thus attractive women quickly "get the message" that their ONLY usefullness in the world in their looks, and that there must be something major lacking in themselves as a "person". Other women also despise attractive women, for obvious reasons---even if they "pretend" to be friends with her.

Add the two up and it means no friends, no trust in relationships, and along with all the normal self-doubts that people typically have, quickly turns into a mental self-rout on the confidence issue, never mind the outward show of bluster that they try to put on to hide their "real" (from their own p-o-v) selves from others.......



Of course, if they have that holier-than-thou, my crap don't stink attitude that can be a by-product of that "attractiveness", then just skip the closet and talking part.......

 

:lol: Haha, hmm. might have to try that... :lol:

 

Ease writes:
"....guys who have had failed marriages....."

Hey, what's with this "failed"?
I regard my marriages as very successful. Haven't seen either of the demented ogres for years.

 

Ok psychobabble time.
Try here :-

Figure out which work for her and do them when you go for a ride. Then you going for a ride equates with her getting treated well. Positive association, a bit like dog training really (glad the missus isn't looking over my shoulder!) ;-) I wish this simplistic crap didn't work but hey don't knock it 'til you've tried it.

Words of Affirmation
- "I'm off for a quick spin, I love you, thanks for .... today."
Quality Time
- "I'm off for a quick spin, let's do ......... together when I get back."
Receiving Gifts
- Buy her something small when you're out
Acts of Service
- "I feel great after that ride, I think I'll (do that thing you've been asking me to do)"
Physical
- Hug before you go, hug when you get back.

Sorted, ain't life simple. (Pah!)

 

Oh, I just noticed that you're doing the 'being nice' thing already. Maybe it's not the sort of 'being nice' that is her love language. It doesn't have to make sense to you it only has to be the one that works for her.

 

Also, time limits are good.
I'll be back by ...

 

I dunno, but after a good ride all I feel like doing is having a little nookie -nook!

 

dude you are so right she got pissed one night when i didnt ride but i got on "that stupid motorcycle website" she is insecure because she has never been treated right, so she thinks i wont treat her right. i pay the rent, bills credit card and my loans, and treat her like a lady. she trys to controll me but i dont let her. she has slacked off these last few days and actually told me to go and ride the other night. i think it is a cycle

 

Guys... Don't for one second think that you understand women... You don't... End of story :lol:

 

you guy's can't tell him he can fix a women an it's all our fault she's like that my God man you've joined the other side do you hear yourself.
I've been fixed by a women alright,,, best leave the fixing part out of it,,you guys that think you can fix a women don't know what a real basket case is,,,,you've had some good luck going for you recently an you think you can fix women now that's funny there,,,pride goes before a fall now I believe I read that somewhere...
start writing the manual I want to hear your Idea's this could just be the longest most incomprensible thread know to man,,,,
wait a minute go get the blues brothers I think we're on a mision from God, finally after 1k's of years men are going to get together an write the manual an when the women get done with you maybe you could copyright it an get paid as parts of it could be sold to comedians.
really fixing women is just foolishness

 

i hope to ride a little tonight

 

Cool. Take the bike out for a spin when you're done... :wink:

 

bwahah!

too funny.

 

MaximumX easily moves to the head of the pack........

 

right right

 

After years of consideration I've come to the conclusion that those who walk among us with the bits we desire are a whole different species.
Don't try to understand their logic, there isn't any, they are controlled by hormones and a desire to manipulate. Blokes are controlled by hormones only, much simpler.

What we're all trying to say is "GOOD LUCK" and enjoy your rides seca.

 

I think we all wish that the women in our lives were as straightforward and as easy to maintain as our bikes are. They don't come with manuals that are easy to read, and the 2-3 lines in them don't equate with what we're used to doing.

If only we could find the vin on them to figure out what the heck we're working on. Just kidding. Looking for that could probably get you in a lot of trouble, especially if you answer the "What are you doing?" with: Looking for your vin number. Hell, milage and p.o. would get you in a world of pain now that I think of it.

Most women (wives especially) only want you to love them even more than yourself. That is crazy hard to do. That means choosing them (with the proper attitude of happiness and "real" enthusiasm) joyfully over what ever you really deep down want to be doing. Getting married has pretty much killed all of my previous hobbies. Dancing is out, computer games are out, smoking is out, drinking is out usually. The trade off is worth it though, especially as not trading equates to a moody, lashing out emotionally hurt woman that I see every day and night.

I don't think that any of that comes naturally. A lot of that is chosen, and only works when she reciprocates also. If she doesn't it's usually easier to create the hobby trading times. You go to the craft barn while I look at tools, or whatever variation of that your mind can create.

The only reason bike riding hasn't been an issue for us is, I waited her out until she wanted something bad enough she could rationalize the possible need to get a second vehicle (which could be a motorcycle) and now it IS my only way of getting back and forth to work, which was less than pleasant when it was 10 degrees below freezing, but hey, it was 70+F the last two days and I am sooooo happy to skip lunch and race up and down next to the Skukill River for an hour.

So, somehow I've landed in a happy medium where biking isn't a hobbie it's a neccesity, and my wife is happy as she doesn't have to compete with other "things" or "stuff" that would leave her out, or ignore her.

Anyway, take what you like from all that rambling.