The Bacon Chronicles (or the continuing battle of bacon vs. tofu)

So as mentioned in a different thread, I do appreciate tofu . . . . as well as bacon. Well this morning there was an event that occurred that has certain individuals questioning my reasoning.

For Father's Day, my wife, her father, her sister and boyfriend went out for breakfast (my flesh colored kids live on the east coast). It is a nice little 'hip' restaurant, serving local eggs and produce, pasture raise meats, etc. . I opted for their homemade breakfast sausage loaf (not bad) my sister in-laws boy friend sitting directly across from me ordered bacon and eggs.

When our orders came my plate was placed in front of me, as the waiter goes to set the boyfriend's plate down a rogue strip of bacon slips off the plate, hits the corner of the table and dances through the finger tips of the waiter who was racing with gravity and the bacon in an attempt to beat it to the floor. He failed. But rapidly retrieved the bacon, apologized and started walking away.

"Wait! The 3 second rule!": I proclaim.

The waiter turns and says "Really?"
I'm like . . . Yeah - (duh).

He hands me the rogue bacon strip and I add it to my plate . . . . .

Well apparently my dining guests feel that I have crossed a line. I'm thinking I was perfectly within my rights to call for the 3 second rule and also perfectly safe ingesting said bacon strip. Sure it hit the floor, sure people walk on the floor. But consider this:
Bacon is not flat, it is curvy and curly - How much surface area actually came into contact with the floor?
We were some of the first patrons of the day, so we can ass-u-me that the floor was cleaned last night and there was limited foot traffic across the floor (even less so with the floor area in question being directly below the corner of our table).
I probably should be more concerned about the cleanliness of the waiter's hands then the floor.

So, the question I pose to my patient listeners is this:
If it was you in this situation; What would you do?

 

I grew up relatively poor. We never wasted food, and never-ever wasted bacon.

 

Pick up bacon ask waiter for a glass of whiskey rinse bacon put in face hole and down the whiskey ... Yum

 

Mmm floor bacon

 

It's like found money ... Worth the effort

 

Is that an auto-correct thing, or do you have non-flesh colored kids elsewhere?

Back to bacon... questions... what kind of art on the walls? Nice curtains? Table cloth, or disposable place mats? Were the waiter's shoes nice? Clean shaven with tidy hair?
I'm just trying to paint the picture in my mind. Of course I'd eat the bacon. Once I ate a bean burrito I found (in a wrapper) on the sidewalk outside a Taco Bell. I ate a ham and cheese sandwich I dropped on the floor at work. I ate calculator batteries (really!) Not gonna mention questionable females... I have smoked slugs and earwigs, ate birdpoo for cash, tased my own pee... After all that, floor bacon seems like a bonus considering your Father's day meal came without!

The list I have compiled makes me look kinda sick. Other than the females and the sandwich, these things happened 20+ years ago. I hope I've grown...

 

We have a bunch of furry kids also . . . 3 canines and 3 felines.

Yeah nice place and they also sell bourbon there (4 Roses is one of their top shelf ones)!

Matti, we may be brothers from another mother, I have smoked a lot of strange things and done weird things for cash in my younger years also.

 

Ahhhhh. Furry kids. I have those too, but I was thinking Greys or something. I watch too many shows about aliens.
I wasn't too sure people would relate to my misspent youth. Sometimes I wonder how I got out of the 90's alive. Oh yeah, it was my wife. I keep my common sense in her head!
"Does this seem like a good idea? What would Candice say if she caught me doing that?"

 

Brussel sprouts, trimmed and sliced in half.
Place the sprouts in a skillet with water to halfway up the sprouts. Let braise until the water is gone, then allow to sear for no more than a minute.
While the sprouts are cooking, dice your favorite bacon and render until crisp.
Remove sprouts from heat and combine with the warm bacon and drippings.
Toss to coat.
Add ground pepper to taste.

Serve with a nice ribeye and your favorite summertime beer.

 

the "questionable females" part is in poor taste..............poor taste........ba-da-bing!

 

...and, unfortunately, in poor smell too. Ugh... I'd rather eat K-Moe's brussel sprouts!

 

I assumed the non-flesh-colored children were made of various bits of steel, aluminum, and rubber and had four cylinders.

I reject the 3-second rule, and instead use the dry-on-dry rule. Bacon is essentially wet, so I wouldn't want to eat the grit and hair it picked up of the floor like a wet nap. If we were talking about M&M's that spilled on the floor, I'd be all over it, even months later. I'd blow it off first, of course.

That said, I fully admit that I probably ingest all kinds of bacteria when I go do mud runs like Tough Mudder. I suppose my focus is on avoiding random debris/lint/dirt, not bacteria. If my immune system can't handle it, then I probably had it coming.

 

I've had bacon bourbon before, garnished with a strip of maple bacon. It was pretty good.

 

this thread was perfect for my study break lol

 

Finally bacon on sale and not bad bacon and of course a few rain checks for the next month to stock up!

 

I like to order from https://www.zingermans.com

They carry some great bacons from small producers. The wife got me a bacon of the month club membership a few years ago. That was a nice year. The jowl bacon is awesome.

BTW, the drought is busted, and the feed corn looks pretty good so far. Pork prices should be coming back down this year, or early next.

 

Somehow or other, pork and chicken is cheap here. It's beef that's expensive. I get good loin chops or boneless chicken breast for less than even the tough hip cuts of beef. Haven't had a decent steak in months!

 

Do you get a cut called Flat Iron up there? Tremendous value. Eats like a strip steak; costs like a cheap roast.

Beef herds are getting built up again too with all the reservoirs being full now. The local packing plant has finally stopped talking about closing. They had been down to one shift just a few months ago after nearly a year of running three shifts due to the herd culling from the drought.

 

I've heard of flat iron cut... not sure what it is though, is it a flank cut? I should ask a butcher. Used to work in a butcher shop, so I've got connections!

 

It's cut from the shoulder. Your butcher might know it as butler's steak.


Lately restaurants have started serving it, so it's not a cheap as it used to be, but still much less expensive than ribye or a strip.

 

I would not dine with anyone that would not eat that bacon. These people probably use hand-sanitizer and those wipes that have appeared at the supermarket - you know those ones I replace with my own special ones! These kinds of people are what I lovingly refer to as "f***ing assholes".

I wouldn't dine with them because they are going to die, they're going to die a slow painful death, but not before their weak immune systems are used as petri dishes for advanced bacteria. It is everyone god-damn responsibility to expose themselves and especially their kids to as many normal germs as possible so the human race isn't killed by a mild cold in 2050 or something that used a million f***ing clean freaks to mutate into a super virus.

 

Lysol is the biggest problem. Sterilize everything not the best way to live.
Soon as kids rolled around on floor is when we stopped sterilizing everything.
In high school no one had a peanut allergy, now kids forbidden to bring any nut Products to school!!!

 

I know man - I hate these hand sanitizer stations we have everywhere in USA now. I slap "twelve monkeys" and "out-of-order" stickers on everyone I see and cough violently on them.

For the wipes they have in supermarkets you can open the top of the dispenser and pour in about 20ml of cat pheromone spray. We have to offset this sterile environment and nothing brings more germs to your house than 20 horny feral cats.

 

At home, yes and I have. Not in a restaurant. Not because I think I'm too good but because it's just one of those things. Question is...how does someone know whether or not it hit the floor prior to hitting their plate in the kitchen?

@Ribo: I hope we could go to a Waffle House, dine together, and be fine.

Gary H.

 

• Broil Flank Steak
• Grilling

Flatiron Steak - Raw. Regarding BBQ Inc.

Definition: Probably one of the must under appreciated steaks, the Top Blade Steak may be more commonly called the "Flat Iron Steak". This tender and flavorful little steak is cut from the top blade roast and comes from the chuck primal.


Perfect for the grill (or broiling) this steak has such a great flavor that it requires no real seasoning. Tender enough to cook through medium without a marinade (though I would if I were force to cook this beyond medium).

 

Thanks, BaconCareofTusiness, er, I mean TakenCareofBusiness! I have heard of flank steak and blade roast. Never heard of it called Flat Iron before, and I've spent years in a butcher shop. I was gonna say it was an america thing, but you chimed in from BC. Maybe Ontario is behind the meat times. All my steaks are medium or rarer, so it sounds great to me. Can't wait to see the boy's faces at work as they eat cafeteria garbage while I dine on bbq steak! Matti lives like a king again!

 

Doesn't wife or girlfriend watch the Chew, some great food on there my wife records the show so we can watch after dinner so she can try something new!
She is a phenomenal cook !! When I met her I was buck fifty now I stuggle to keep it under 200. I was quit smoking many years ago and shot up to 215 yikes ! Now have been smoking and not porking up. Holding at 190 now

 

Let's not turn this into an argument about eating prefrences. It'll just become a mess and nobody wins.

 

Yeah, it's like politics or religion or chopping up Xjs or pods... Everyone has their preferences, and trying to convince others that yours is the one true way usually doesn't work out. No one is happy, and no one changes their minds, we just get argument and name calling. I have canine teeth. They work for tearing meat, so I use em for it. I feel bad for animals, but I still eat them. I feel bad for people too, I have molars that work for grinding vegetables, so I use 'em for it. I have had vegan friends try to convince me otherwise, but I'm probably always gonna be an omnivore.

 

Besides, we're already fat and ugly.

 

So you are saying I should eat dog bacon instead of pig bacon?

Matti is correct, we should NOT force our personal beliefs on others. Given that the above poster quoted my words I feel a need for a reply.

Dragsta, animals that are tortured and murdered are factory farm (CAFO's) commodities and the anti-biotics, stress enzymes and non-traditional feed is very apparent in the flavor of their flesh. Not to mention that they wallow in their own feces.

Animals that are raised with love and respect and have their life taken from them in an appropriate manner are delicious. Seriously, they taste better, you should try it.

There is a huge difference, I do not support CAFO's and because of that fact I spend a lot more money supporting my local community farm family by purchasing there delicious products.

I applaud you for being a vegetarian (ass-u-me if you were vegan you would have said so). Having a higher proportion of vegetables in ones diet IS healthier and better for the body (and mind).

P.S. I am 6'3" and 190lbs. And quite handsome if I do say so myself!

 

You should re-read what I wrote.
Maybe try speaking the words aloud.
You do not understand me at all.

K-Moe is correct - this has turned into a mess. I shall cease.

 

Please explain to me how you quantify intelligence level of lower mammals that don't even have self awareness, nevermind the ability to demonstrate their intelligence in a way that makes comparison between the two possible.... sounds like you probably got outsmarted by a pig once.

 

I guess we can't have nice things.

I sure hope none of us decides to turn this forum into the usual sort of pissing match that 99.99% of internet forums eventually become.

 

Aww but pissing matches are fun!

I'll digress, permanently.

 

If you kids can't play nice, I'm going to send you to your rooms for a "time-out".
And don't make me tell your mother.

Man, oh man. BigFitz goes AWOL and the whole darn opera falls apart.

 

this is a motorcycle forum. gasoline is bad for all living things, therefore we should shut it down until the animals can figure out how to breathe carbon monoxide
Love, Sarcasmo
ps in another thread, dragsta said he was perfectly willing to use his glock on a "savage" who happened to be a human animal. just sayin'...

 

I'm glad you brought that up. Here's the strange part. My sister-in-laws boyfriend had 3 pieces of bacon on his plate minus the one that jumped and hit the floor. After the waiter gave me the bacon, he never returned with an extra piece to replace the missing one from the boyfriends plate . . . . boyfriend never said anything. I got a bonus bacon strip!

Now if it were me, sure as shooting that waiter would be bringing back another piece.

 

Ok. Here's a BurgerKing storey. I used to eat there from time to time, as there was this girl who worked at the cash. Cool person, crazy punk rocker, loads of fun, etc. So I buy a Whopper, and I take a few bites, and I find a hair in it. Do I return it? Yep, but not before I turn it around and eat all the other hairless side. Then I go back with less than a quarter of the burger left and show her the hair. She says, "Eww. Gross. Do you want your money back?" I say "Nope. I'll take another Whopper, though!" So, is that worse than floor bacon?

 

"there was this girl "...and all the rest probably really didn't matter. Ahhhh, the joys of the chase.

Gary H.

 

Didn't even try to kiss her. One of the truly rare Platonic male/female relationships in my life. I miss her.

 

Yes got to love that " stand your ground " logic that has gotten a lot of people killed . Ok enough about personal rants about big government, big Agro companies, big business in general , let's all cool down with a cold beer and stick to motorcycles !!

 

Well a least you ate the hairless side..lol

 

I suddenly feel uncomfortable.

 

i worked at a burger joint back when burgers were just invented. we watched a guy put a dead fly on his half eaten burger before he demanded another one.
i won't tell you what he ate on the second one

 

How old are you?!?!? lol

 

Look at his avatar..

 

It's the Mad Hatter from the PC game American McGee's Alice in Wonderland. Which I would think would make him a bit younger at least culturally speaking. Unless he didn't know that's what it was.

 

But do you see the similarity